Where they’ve gone (for #lovenotfear by Ruuby May Blue)

“Everything is okay, Beth”, they tell her.
“Look at all the things you’ve got!”, they tell her.
Beth is a 24 years old Kanner autistic woman, who loves coffee, Michael Jackson and painting flowers all day. She works in an art and handcrafting studio for disabled people and likes it a lot.
But when the clock turns 3 pm, her face gets a different expression. She says: “I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’m gonna come see you again, Beth.”, I answer.
“But I am always alone.”
I know. I am autistic myself. There can be great people around you, they’ll always try to support a disability instead of you, the autistic. They get, that you have needs that differ from their own. And those are so exhausting and impossible to cover up. So they’d forget about understanding them.
But they’d never get the point to support you, like a friend, a daughter, or a partner and let you experience the same understanding. Because thinking in different patterns and using the heart to listen, ain’t an option.
Their exhaustion places on top of the communications agenda they note for you.
And so you’ll be left with those halfly hearted words.
“But it’s not true; you’re not alone.”
“But your xyz loves you!”
No. They don’t love me. They love me in their minds. They love me in a fairytale.
But the love you experience in your everyday life is a privilege, I will never get.

And so Beth comes to work, starting to cry.
“My mom has so much things to do,
my mom can’t help me either.”
Her mom has so much things to do since years. She did not visit the studio in between a time period of two years.
She came to see two exhibitions of her daughter, telling the people stupid nonsense about autism (don’t know the heck where she catched it…Autism Speaks?). The rest of the time she spends to sooth Beth’s anger about sitting home alone every single afternoon, stimming time away, and it turns to depression.

Will they ever understand?
No.
Let’s face the truth, they will always see disablity and forget about getting to know the person, learning, talking to you…
They will stop explaining things, once they failed.
They will touch you like a piece of wood and wonder about your stimming or your overload over and over again.
They will stop interacting with you.
They will make you live the curse of a loveless life,
until the day they might get special needs.

But wait…I am wrong! I don’t have a loveless life.
Ironically it’s Beth who gives me the feeling of true love and support. For some little moments in a long life time, I finally feel completely seen and taken and loved as and for the person I am.

She does not need to say “I love you.” She does.
And that’s what makes her a part of my life.
Parents, friends, partners…they passed me running in anxcious cry for help.
Now I grew up without them.
Now I let them run.

Advertisements

BLOG: ‘Euthanasia Speaks’ (by Ruuby May Blue)

It`s been a while, since the first protests against ‘Autism Speaks’ occurred.

Everyone can re-examine the wikipedia site about ‘Autism Speaks’, where it started, what their goals are and that there are two people, having a dream… to CURE autism. To cure their children from having special needs.

Many many autistic people have gone into selfadvocacy, spoke out, explained why autism is not cureable and why it is not desirable or even ethical, to manipulate natures ways of creating people the way they turn out to be.

That autistic people ARE people, whole people, different, colorful in their spectrum and that the simple try, to ‘breed them away’ is equal to euthanasia. Yes, autistics are a ‘human race’, if you want. And same as the human society – sorry… the neurotypical society… has great troubles with accepting people with different skincolors and seeing them as equal, they never learned yet to accept and handle people with different neurologies and or ways of being.

This is not about healing someone to make him/her feel better and have a good life.

This is about manipulating a lifeform to make him or her live a life that is seen as normal.

It is normal to behave unconspicious.

It is normal not to question things.

This is how it’s possible, that an organisation like ‘Autism Speaks’ (we might now turn it into ‘Euthanasia Speaks’), can continuously obtain funds for research and provide for their basic financially, while thousands and thousands of people in the world are silenced in their indignation. It’s all readable.

This is how it is possible, that you can today still read on the mendacious wikipedia site, that ‘Autism Speaks’ is a non-profit organisation, which we all know by now is A LIE!

And this is how it stays possible, that so many normal people are going to donate to make this crime to even grow, because normal people are unconspicious. And being unconspicious means being needy. Those people have troubles to manage their lifes and get along with other people who have other needs. They will ask for help. And they will think that a large company must have answers to their questions.

It’s not a new manifestation. It’s a very very very old one. It always worked that way and we all, who live in capitalism, know that.

It’s a principle that stays alive, as long as we are supporting it.

So once again: Please stop your support.

This can set an example to capitalism. This can make the difference to a better world. It’s not hard to fight against them. It’s not hard to stop suppression, incapacitation, exploitation and fraud.

All you have to do is to say NO.

#boycottautismspeaks

 

 

The lack that locks #lovenotfear (blog2 by Ruuby May Blue)

The thing with being kind of ‘locked in’, has brought me many sleepless nights, wondering why this comes with being autistic. Even those on the spectrum, who have a detailed verbal expression are reporting about this ‘phenomenon’.

It might be a part of the daydreamy character of an autistic person,
it’s a following fact of ‘stimming away’,
it’s the fullness of information, that brings sensory overload, so that our eyes kind of drift away from substancial surface.

But today I see the whole mixture of facts, that lead to being cut off the rest of the world.
What was missing was THE REST OF THE WORLD.

And we see it very strongly in the media today, in the actions and reactions of our surrounding people, that there is a lack. There’s a lack of direct questioning.
A lack of will to understand.
A lack of understanding what ableism is, who does it and what it causes in the result.
A lack of willingness to overcome old patterns.
As we all know, these are common and natural problems of human kind. We should not be too bitter about it.

We should be bitter about that there’s a lack of love.

That people prefer to rely on scientific principles, than to focus on themselves and the connection of love to their fellows.
My opinion is: People should practice, perceive themselves.
Then this will be a better planet.

Maybe this is what autistic people can teach them.
Maybe.